I am very much alive, although I can’t say that my brain is all there at this moment. Just hold on to your underpants cause this post is going to be W.I.L.D!!
First, I’ll start by saying that I haven’t slept much in the last two weeks, so if you see some mispelled words and if I use incredibly bad English, please just overlook and forgive. It all started when I decided to go on a juice fast-
ish…
Really though, I wanted to go on a juice fast but also i knew that I would need some protein. So I snuck in some protein via nuts and seeds. That plan lasted for a whole day before I got incredibly sick and was in bed for two days…still hanging on to my juice fast.
Last week, as I lay in bed sick while working on a graphic design I began to feel an overwhelming pressure and a sense of “oh my goodness, I have so much to do and I can’t get it done because I’m sick”. But honestly, all I really wanted to do was lay in bed and have no responsibilities whatsoever.
After my sick spell I kept up with the juice fast but added in some veggies, just to keep it interesting. By the end of the week I was so worn out physically that I didn’t think I would make it through the weekend without “real” food. Therefore, I took the plunge and ate some chicken and chocolate cake!
It was delectable.
However, emotionally I didn’t feel any better and I knew it wasn’t that monthly hormonal thing I encounter. I had several deadlines to meet with Ripple Effect Designs (our web business), the co op that the kids would be attending and teaching at would be starting in just another week, and I still hadn’t had the time to finish anything. (Including the 200 items I had to enter for Rhea Lana’s consignment sale) I mean, I started all of my projects, but I kept getting distracted by the kids and by Salem’s messes and by anything in the world that wanted to fall apart in one stinkin’ week!
Right in the middle of everything falling smooth apart, Todd and I landed a HUGE account with our business. I am so jazzed about it and I can’t wait to show you what we’ve been doing as far as work goes.
Actually…I’ll do that now…check these out.





These are a few of the logos/business card designs I’ve been working on the last few weeks. Not all that fabulous, but still took some time and effort!
I have also designed a couple of websites, but I’ll show you those later because I have bigger things to discuss.
Here Todd and I are, working our fingers to the bone and I have absolutely no time to spend with the kids, to teach and train my babies, or to even make lunch. (I am so thankful for my bigger kids that help out all the time) I have this co op right around the corner that I have done absolutely nothing to prepare for (no books have been ordered for the kids, no class planning has made it’s way into my spread sheet, I didn’t even have time to read the “supply list” email), a huge client that’s ready to see what we’re made of is knocking at our door, oh yeah, and I live with my parents to top it all off. It was so bad that we actually had cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Just kidding! But we did have sandwiches for the majority of our meals!
I feel the pressure to hang with the kids, I am seriously stressed about that constantly, I feel the pressure to be creative, which takes time, I feel pressure to do laundry and clean and cook, which takes effort, and I feel pressure to be praying and seeking the face of God. What was my response to all this pressure? Explosion.
Last week I think I truly went crazy. Even Todd was very worried that I had just stepped out into the deep black hole that is psycho-land. I tried to get him to see what I was going through and to understand it from my perspective. He was so sweet to bring me flowers and to help out with the kids that day. He really pressed himself to understand and take in what I was saying. But we were still struggling to put all the pieces together into this crazy puzzle.
Then it hit me. The answer was right there in my face all the time and I just didn’t want to admit it or give in to it. That answer made perfect sense and Todd made a decree that it’s what we are doing. Absolutely.
So, what I would like to announce to you all today, my faithful readers, is that I am no longer a home schooling mom. Atleast for the school year ‘10-’11. I have passed the baton to my comrades at the local Elementary and Intermediate public schools down the road.
It is with sadness in my heart that I belay this message though. Sadness because I will desperately miss those afternoons of watching movies with Regan and Caleb. I will really miss baking cookies with Regan and seeing my kids on the couch reading their library books. I have so enjoyed swimming together in May and making fun cold-weather foods when winter arrives. I love the freedom of going and doing whatever we want. But most of all, I hate to think that someone else gets the privilage of being in their presence each day and I don’t.
What I can finally admit is that, I cannot do it all.
I am not supermom.
I do have breaking points and I have hit a brick wall.
It’s not feasable for me to teach school, be a creative web designer and business woman, be a thriving menu-making/deal-seeking/child-training wife and mother all at the same time. Something will suffer if we go on like this, and it has proven so far to be with my children. I push forward and work so hard at making money while they run rampant. So, I am sacrificing what I want for the betterment of my family as a whole. For Todd to have his Priscilla (that would make him Aquilla…from the Bible).
The details as I know them so far:
Regan will attend the Public Intermediate school as a sixth grader; Caleb will be at the same school as a fifth grader; Titan will begin Kindergarten at the same school I went while in third and fourth grades; and Adia and Salem will get all the benefits of being the only two at home with parents. Beginning this Thursday, they have to be at their prospective schools and in their seats by 8:10 and the bus leaves at 7:30…which they have to walk about 3/4 of a mile to catch. We already have their school supplies and we have already begun the “watch out for worldliness” speeches.
As for me:
I do not see this as failure. Only as a strategic move in the direction we are going as a family.
I do not see this as permanent. Maybe that’s my pride. We’ll see what God says.
I do not see this as harmful or lacking in good judgment toward my kids. Moreso as a way to make a better life for them in the long run by allowing Todd and I the time needed to build a business.
After crying for a solid 24 hours, I am relinquishing my solid grip on schooling these great kids. It’s not the end of the world and I know that God is their #1 advocate. He will be protecting them and guiding their impressionable hearts. But I would ask, even now as I sit here crying over my keyboard, would you guys pray for us? Sincerely, I ask for you saints to ask our Lord for provision for this family- we’re only one in a bazillion…I know.
We need help. We need Him. Our identity is not in whether we home school our children, or whether we go to church every Sunday, or whether we eat organic food, or use cloth diapers. No. Our identity is in Christ alone. He’s the only thing we can stand on and we need to stand on Him right now.
Whew. That was harder than I anticipated, but I’m glad it’s out there. Hopefully, I’ll be back to blogging a little more since my schedule won’t be so piled up, but my time is already getting planned for me so we’ll see…
Thank you for all your support and the great emails I often get with all the encouraging things. Please keep them coming- I need it!
With love,
Angie
~Homemaker Chronicles