Homemaker Chronicles

Since I home school we are always hearing about how our kids will not be socially ready for college, and how they will not be prepared for the structure of a college classroom, and on and on.

I decided to write a syllabus, for my kids, to see how we compared to a college class.

Unprepared?

We’ll let you be the judge…

Homemaker Chronicles presents, a Home schooling syllabus!

Homemaker’s School

Course: Homeschooling 5 children 101

Location: Mostly at the dining room table, and occasionally in the living room on the couch.  Also at the breakfast table and at times in your own bedroom or outside on the deck.  Then again, it could be in the car on the way to visit family 8 hrs. away, in the doctor’s office waiting room, or at a friend’s house (but only when I NEED to have a cup of coffee and maybe a little chat- we can always do school in the afternoon if we miss the morning).

My Office Hours: M-Sun. 6:00am-9:00pm also available after hours and throughout the night for drinks of water, if you have a bad dream and need me to pray for you, tummy aches leading to vomit leading to midnight clean up and bed changing, or anything else you could possibly think of.

Dates of course: Beginning the day you are born until the rest of your life

Credit hours: I think I’ll get a few jewels in my crown and you will too- if you obey.  (*Ephesians 6:1)  Who knows what school credit comes with this course.

Prerequisite(s): Birth

Welcome and Introduction
“Welcome to Homeschooling 5 Children 101. I’m your instructor, MOM. We’ll be together for the next 345,279 weeks. In this course, we’ll come together to help you learn how to share, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, sweep and mop, vacuum, do the dishes, keep your room picked up, love your siblings,  mission work/volunteering, be an upstanding human being in society, cook, sew, prepare the house for guests,  and work with your hands, with an emphasis on Math, English, Science, History, Writing, Spelling, Reading and following Jesus Christ.  And anything else you need to survive in life.”

Course Goals:

• To school you in all subjects until you graduate high school and are accepted into college or find a job.
• Make sure you have friends that will encourage you toward honesty and purity.
• Teach you to obey your superiors no matter how you feel.
• Let you know and understand that there ARE consequences for your actions-no matter how old you are.
• Guide you in choosing a mate, marrying that person, and eventually raising children of your own.

Methods of Instruction (in order of usage)

• Train/Teach
• Discipline
• Spank
• Correct
• Love
• Admonish
• Guide
• Drag
• Force
• Scream
• Yell
• Throw things

Course Component Specifics

Behavior Expectations: As your God-given mother and one of the two people on this earth that can take you out, I expect total submission until you are 18 years old, at which time you will still obey me with every fiber of your being.  I expect first-time obedience without whining.

Repeated misbehavior: If you are ever dishonest or disobedient, after having been corrected once, I will tell your father.

Enough said.

Participation: You will participate in all daily activities unless you are running over a 100 degree temperature, throwing up, I give you a FREE DAY because it’s sunny, or just because I’m sick of chasing around a 2 and 4 year old while trying to answer all of your school questions.

Plagiarism and cheating: These have no place in a community of scholars.  Have the confidence in yourself to give your original best.  This is all that is required of you.

Absences: If you are actually absent, not just pretending you are still asleep, then your father has probably already notified the police and I am being detained for questioning.
During this course there is no such thing as absences for family or personal emergencies, absences for medical reasons, or absences for travel.  I am your family, I make your doctor appointments, and I plan your vacations.  And don’t try to lie to me about some extracurricular activity that you were “required” to attend for extra credit. I know it all (wink-wink). (playing the “eyes in the back of the head” card here ).

Make-Up Work: This will only be required when we fall an entire semester behind (which is likely if I’m pregnant).

Grading:  I don’t give grades…just smiley-face stickers!! 

Course Assistance: Since I am here to watch you everyday, I have the privilege of helping you through anything you do not understand.  Including, but not limited to, attitude, effort, improvement, and participation.  If it’s a math problem we’ll call dad!

Withdrawal from the course by date: Not an option

Exams: We will see as we go.  We might even skip these!

How to Reach Me: Call my name and if I don’t answer immediately I am either on the phone or using the bathroom.  Both of which are apparently not good enough reasons for you to stop calling my name.

*Your first and one of the MOST IMPORTANT of all the memory verses.

(Disclaimer:  I love my children, they are truly a blessing to me.  Also, I love homeschooling and I’m called to this role in my family.  All in good fun)